Self Inflicted Trouble

Euw.
So. 
I was bored driving (riding) back from our Thanksgiving trip, SO I picked at my toe cuticles.  This particular toe became inflamed.

I was worried about the dreaded red strip that might appear and begin its journey toward my heart and therefore cause my untimely death, SO.  I took all my polish off and put a cloth into the microwave, (Do not try this at home!) and put it on my toe.

The cloth was a bit overheated and caused a blister, thus deforming my toe.

Realizing I was a stupid ass in over my head, I went off to visit my amusing doctor.  He gave me antibiotics and a much better story.

"No no no," he said.  "Never admit guilt." 
"You say, 'I was just walking along, minding my own bidness and through no fault of my own, these two dudes just jumped out and did this to my toe.'" 
He also offered an alien abduction story involving an anal probe.

So.  OK.  I was just walking along...