Thursday, September 3, 2009

More Kid Knowlwdge

Every year, I asked them to write down what they had learned so far in their lives. Here is some fine wisdom:

Don’t cut my own hair

Don’t start a sentence with “Because.” (Yay! I taught this one something!)

Don’t bother the baby.

Don’t eat dog food.

Don’t keep money on your desk when you’re having a birthday party.

Don’t stand too close to the pool when a big dog is running around.

Don’t sit in the driver’s seat when the car is running and especially don’t touch the shifter.

When you are mad, don’t kick a window.

Never, NEVER ask your mom why she made this crap for dinner.

I learned not to pitch to my Uncle Jay.

Don’t put two wires together.

Don’t hang from the tree house.

Don’t call Mom, “Mrs. Guinn.”

I learned not to swim with my big cousin.

Don’t open your mouth when a baby is reaching for it. They can reach in far and you will barf.

You shouldn’t try to bounce a Christmas tree ball.

If you spin round and round in the living room things can go very wrong.

Don’t jump on a shovel barefooted.

If you forget to put the grass holder on the lawn mower you have to mow again.
Not to go into the bathroom if the door is shut, even if it is not locked.

Don’t take that tone of voice with mom.

Use your nose and not your fingers when you need to see if the baby has a dirty diaper.

If you take a bite of something hot, spit it out, because if you swallow it, it burns all the way down.

Not all bugs are friendly.

You shouldn’t say, “Yuck” when you are at someone else’s house for dinner.

Don’t drink too much water before bedtime.

Teasing your brother when Mom is in a bad mood is a very bad idea and can cause you to miss The Cosby Show.

Never use Mom’s good jewelry on your jack-o-lantern.

Drinking a Pepsi when you are playing on your dad’s new computer is dangerous.

Fish hooks don’t come out of your finger very easy.

Don’t pretend you are going to steal your dog’s food when she’s eating.

Don’t keep begging after Mom says, “NO!” with her teeth together.

Never lean your chair back on the two back legs because you could break your neck.

Never try to sneak some of your big sister’s Monopoly money when you think she isn’t looking.

And my personal favorite;

Don’t do things half fast.

11 comments:

Joanne said...

Hey I think I learned a thing or two from that list - didn't someone say its never too late to learn???

Thanks for sharing.

Blondie's Journal said...

Tears~down~my~face~funny, Lynn!! Poster worthy!

xoxo
Jane

Lori E said...

I hate it when people do things "half fast". Too funny. Snort.

Frippery said...

I was snorting as well. Much sage advice.

Housewife Savant said...

Are you crapping me? Is this for real?
It's pure hilarity. I frackin' died.

Right out of the gate I knew I'd done wrong.
I cut my own hair.
Because I am an idiot.

"Don’t open your mouth when a baby is reaching for it. They can reach in far and you will barf."
FUNNIEST THING EVER.

Charlene said...

OMG I laughed until I thought I would tinkle my pants! If they can just remember these lessons as they become know it all teenagers. :)

Thanks for stopping by to visit. I wish you could be in our group too. Hope you are not near those fires in CA. Scary! Have a great weekend.

mbkatc230 said...

These are really priceless. "Don't put two wires together" - now if that doesn't just conjure up a picture! And the baby hand in the mouth almost made me fall off the sofa laughing! Thanks for the congrats and good wishes for Cait - made the band placement that she hoped for! Have a great weekend. Kathy

Alex the Girl said...

I LOVE this! We have Advisory every Wednesday with a group of about 18 kids or so. This sounds like an excellent idea to use with them. I hope I don't forget!

I'm bad at doing things "half fast."

mama-face said...

Us moms have a lot in common.

I've stopped cooking dinner because there is always at least someone who complains about it. Really, I've given up. They are going to have to realize that I'm not a short order cook. It's the same with restaurants too...never can agree. I always remain neutral. Unless it's Thai Food.

I am rambling. Good post!

Florida Sue said...

Ha ha, what a great list! I need to do this with my granddaughters. I love he half fast rule. It's my speed. Somewhere between gathering moss and vegetating.

My Crafty Little Page said...

ROTF!!! You had me at never cut your own hair...I just did it and I did it half fast! BECAUSE when I got to the beauty shop they evened it up and I'm bald now.
Loved your list, Lynn, and I'm linking to you for the Pink Saturday deal tomorrow. Have a wonderful trip to the State Fair. xoxo Nancy