Every year, I asked them to write down what they had learned so far in their lives. Here is some fine wisdom:
Don’t cut my own hair
Don’t start a sentence with “Because.” (Yay! I taught this one something!)
Don’t bother the baby.
Don’t eat dog food.
Don’t keep money on your desk when you’re having a birthday party.
Don’t stand too close to the pool when a big dog is running around.
Don’t sit in the driver’s seat when the car is running and especially don’t touch the shifter.
When you are mad, don’t kick a window.
Never, NEVER ask your mom why she made this crap for dinner.
I learned not to pitch to my Uncle Jay.
Don’t put two wires together.
Don’t hang from the tree house.
Don’t call Mom, “Mrs. Guinn.”
I learned not to swim with my big cousin.
Don’t open your mouth when a baby is reaching for it. They can reach in far and you will barf.
You shouldn’t try to bounce a Christmas tree ball.
If you spin round and round in the living room things can go very wrong.
Don’t jump on a shovel barefooted.
If you forget to put the grass holder on the lawn mower you have to mow again.
Not to go into the bathroom if the door is shut, even if it is not locked.
Don’t take that tone of voice with mom.
Use your nose and not your fingers when you need to see if the baby has a dirty diaper.
If you take a bite of something hot, spit it out, because if you swallow it, it burns all the way down.
Not all bugs are friendly.
You shouldn’t say, “Yuck” when you are at someone else’s house for dinner.
Don’t drink too much water before bedtime.
Teasing your brother when Mom is in a bad mood is a very bad idea and can cause you to miss The Cosby Show.
Never use Mom’s good jewelry on your jack-o-lantern.
Drinking a Pepsi when you are playing on your dad’s new computer is dangerous.
Fish hooks don’t come out of your finger very easy.
Don’t pretend you are going to steal your dog’s food when she’s eating.
Don’t keep begging after Mom says, “NO!” with her teeth together.
Never lean your chair back on the two back legs because you could break your neck.
Never try to sneak some of your big sister’s Monopoly money when you think she isn’t looking.
And my personal favorite;
Don’t do things half fast.